Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Belly Manners



People can be so weird. Can we all agree on that?

Last night Darren and I went on a much needed date night - we went out to dinner, shopping at the mall (my man desperately needed some new jeans), and then ice cream. While getting in line to purchase his new pants, a man (probably near 40 and with his wife and young child) took one glimpse at me and said, "WHOA! Is that thing gonna pop out right now?!?!"

Har. Har. Har.

"Well, I sure hope so!" I said. I could see his wife out of the corner of my eye scold him under her breath. The biggest reason for the scold? You just don't know. I could be due in two months and you just made me feel like an even bigger whale. Thanks for that. Even though I am due any day, I also don't need a reminder that I am massive. I can feel how large I am from the inside out, thankyouverymuch.

Then while waiting in line for ice cream, another man playing with a child on his shoulders turns to us and says, "Just wait. You'll be experiencing this before you know it!"

Again. Har. Har.

"We already have two at home," we say with a smile. (Look, dude, we are not parenting experts but we very well know I'm not going to give birth to rambunctious 5 year old.)

"Oh but you guys are so young!"

{eye roll}

"Thank you!" is all we say because this just proves my point: you don't know. You don't how old we are. You don't what we do for a living or how long we've been married. You, sir, just don't know. And you don't need to. I just want to get my Butterfinger ice cream and go watch Luther on Netflix with my husband.

I've been pretty laid back this pregnancy as far as unwelcome comments and conversation in regards to the child growing inside my uterus goes. I actually haven't received that many off-the-wall comments, to be honest. But maybe the reason for that is because I spend a lot of time with other moms - at parks, pools, the zoo. Even while shopping on a week day in the morning you will run into more moms than not. And moms are smart. Moms know you just don't.

You don't comment on the size of a pregnant person's belly and if you do you better tell her how small she looks. My neighbor told me I look 27 weeks pregnant. She was probably lying. I know that. I still wanted to hug her. I don't care if said pregnant person looks like she was supposed to deliver triplets two weeks ago, her belly is small, mmkay?

You don't ask her if she's pregnant. If you don't know, don't ask. She could have just had a baby and was left with a 6 month bump. She could just be chubby. Leave her alone. If you don't know if she's pregnant, you probably don't know her so it's probably not much of your business anyway. My advice is just to leave it alone because you don't want to be wrong on this one.

Don't touch it. I haven't had a stranger touch my belly since I was pregnant with Isaiah. But, good Lawd! Why does anyone think this is okay? If someone does this to you, just tell them you aren't pregnant and watch them squirm.

Just don't. Some people love talking about pregnancy. I do sometimes. But with people I know. But chances are (especially toward the end of pregnancy) we are so burnt out on talking about when we're due, "when's that baby coming?", "how far a long are you?", "any day now!", and literally pretty worn out from all the weight we've gained that we really don't want to small talk about it every where we go. Literally every single place we go.

Smile. Nod, Say, hello. By all means be kind and decent and have good manners. But you don't need to discuss a stranger's current 9 month body type. You just don't. We're tired. We're massive. And yes, we want to have this baby ASAP. Unfortunately, we're over discussing the details of our OB/GYN visits.

(Please note: I know this post is grouchy and sarcastic. Welcome to 9 months pregnant.)

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