Tuesday, September 4, 2012

36 Week Meltdown

You don't have to tell me I look small. I know I do. I'm 4 weeks small to be exact. Maci's heartbeat was nice and strong. I'm 1 cm and 50% effaced. But I measured at 32 weeks. Dr. Lee thinks she may be a smaller baby and she is mostly in my pelvis. She said to pay attention to movement but everything is okay. After a few are you sure's, I left called my mom and broke down. Then Darren. Then my sister. Then a friend. I couldn't hold it in anymore. EVERYONE has said how tiny I am recently. I'm sure they mean, "You look great." But what I hear is your baby is tiny, something might be wrong.

So taking the advice of my sister I called the office and asked for them to please send me to an ultrasound. She said the belly measurement doesn't always indicate baby size or health (true, we all know people that were supposed to have 7-8 pounders and out pops a 10-11 lb baby) but she'd have Dr. Lee call me. As it turns out Dr. Lee had already sent a referral to radiology for me because after thinking it over right after my appointment she wants to be sure everything is okay. Thank goodness. I'm not a crazy person. I don't think of myself as being a hypochondriac but there's just this worry in my gut and I need reassurance. This pregnancy (while it hasn't been the worst in history) has already given me one too many scares. I go in Friday for the ultrasound. Please keep sweet little Maci in your prayers.

Other than that I'm pretty uncomfortable. My hips really hurt. I'm even walking almost pigeon toed because hips have rotated out so much to accommodate my baby. I can also really tell Maci is really working her way down because I feel a ton of pressure. I also get heart palpitations from time to time (from my heart pumping more blood). Those are strange feeling. I mostly just feel so ready to see Maci, count her toes, kiss her face, and bring her home. Almost there.

So needless to say, it's been an emotional day. My mom rushed over after I called her to spend time with Isaiah. She ended up taking him home for the night. He might even stay at his Aunt Jessie's house. I'm not sure which house. All I know is he where he is loved and I am where I can rest and recover from my meltdown. Why is crying so exhausting anyway?

Speaking of our evening plans, I am SO incredibly thankful for my family. Having them nearby has been such a huge help. What would I have done today without them? It's so special that they not only love Isaiah so much they take him no questions asked, but it's so reassuring to see how much they love Maci even though they've never held her, never even seen her. We are beyond blessed.

Keep growing, baby girl. There's a lot of people that can't wait to meet you!


  1. I've been following your blog for awhile and I just wanted to let you know that God has a way of testing us in order to reassure our faith and him and I can promise you that with two under two your faith is going to have to be stronger than ever so just take this time to appreciate all that He has done for you. Any problem that you think you might have Gods already solved it. Hope that helps!

  2. Thank you. And you are so right. I keep reminding myself God is in control and I need to keep my trust in Him.